Hello, I'm Robert Fitzpatrick and I sell bulk wax for a living. Actually I don't just sell wax, I sell bulk soap as well. Are you balking at my bulk wax? No need. Bulk wax is special. So special in fact, that customers have been calling anxiously awaiting the 24 pound blocks of the newly reformulated Wicks Wax, the finest wax I sell. Everyday they call to see if it's in. I have to disappoint them by telling them that the new truck hasn't quite come in yet. The shipment will be here soon, I assure them. They really can't wait. I issue tracking numbers so that they can track their wax all over the country.

Who needs bulk wax you might ask? You do, of course! No, you don't have to be a commercial candle factory to use my wax. Do you or your significant other wax your body hair? What better way to do it than with bulk wax? I throw in a recipe for the right formulation for hair removal when you place your order. It makes it the best wax you'll ever use. That's right. Just melt, mix, and use. There's plenty more uses for bulk wax. Your 24 pound block or brick (whatever you prefer to call it. My customers have had 13 page discussions on the bulk wax message board debating on the proper terminology for their beloved bulk wax) will last for quite some time. I also sell some candle molds. Melt your wax, add some color, a little fragrance oil and you'll be making the best gifts around. Of course, I sell the oils and the coloring as well.

You know I even sell my wax to artists who use it to carve and chisel their masterpieces. My warehouse is filled with bulk wax. All of it is fresh and ready to be delivered to your door. My warehouse empties pretty fast but I always have some wax in stock. Caranuba wax? I got that. Sex wax for your surfboard? I got that too. You can even take the Wicks wax I mentioned earlier and use it on your hair as a pomade after you add a softner. I sell that too.

That's right. Just melt, mix, and use

A while ago I expanded my business to bulk soap. There's nothing like watching my men unload a truck that's just arrived with fresh soap. The bricks all pile onto one another and it gives me a connection to the earliest man who used mud bricks to build shelter. I'd probably be in bulk mud brick sales if I lived in that time. Of course, bulk soap is a lot cleaner. In fact it's inherently clean. My mother always said it washes away your sins but you can make up your own mind.

I sell all kinds of bulk soap but my biggest sellers are the Glycerin soaps. They basically come in two varieties: clear and opaque. My clear bulk soap is the clearest you'll find anywhere. You can see straight through almost like a thick sheet of glass. Again, this bulk soap's for making all kinds of neat stuff. Melt, mix and pour. Want oatmeal soap? Add some oatmeal! Add some fragrance-lavender or vanilla. Add some color if that floats your boat. The soap is like you-individual. You'll be salivating for your bulk soap to arrive after you've made your first batch with your first brick (or block if you insist on calling it that) of bulk soap. My soaps are pretty natural too. Fresh, natural bulk soap-I'll make you a believer. You'll salivate for your bulk soap. You'll feel your bulk soap. You'll caress your bulk soap. You'll float your bulk soap for your friends astounding them, and win some bets. You may even sleep with your bulk soap, though that's none of my business. You'll call me now. A 24 pound bulk brick of happiness will be on its way to your doorstep before you know it.

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